On April 2nd, we arrived at Mercy Health Hospital in Grand Rapids, MI.  for Dan to undergo an L5S1 Spinal Fusion.  The surgery went as EXPECTED. He was indeed suffering from a collapsed disc and a compressed nerve.  He was progressing as EXPECTED: walking, climbing the stairs and feeling the pain.  We were EXPECTING to go home after lunch on April 6.  Initially, the EXPECTED date of discharge was Saturday, April 5.  He was dressed and ready to go when he began experiencing terrible pain and discomfort.  He spiked a temperature and lost himself to excruciating pain. He was writhing in bed, covering his eyes, biting his fingers, tossing back and forth but nothing helped.  They moved him from the 3rd floor to critical care unit. I began EXPECTING the medication to work.  He was on several oral medications and finally IV meds for pain and antibiotics to combat any infection.  But still the pain continued. Finally, today almost a week later, he is beginning to improve.  The pain still persists but can be treated with oral medications, no IV pain medications during the day.

I learned something about EXPECTATIONS. We are such creatures of habit.  After something as occurred more than once we begin to EXPECT the same result.  It’s hard to constantly adjust to the reality of the moment when it doesn’t coincide with the expectation of the moment.

I realized that I was afraid of his pain.  That I was expecting it to get worse.  I was expecting him to revert to his most painful self. This type of expectation brings with if fear and anxiety.  It’s easy to do.  You add 1+1 and you always get 2. We find comfort in the knowledge.  Comfort in the familiar and safe and mundane.  When pain is the result, the anticipated response is not easy to deal with.

Everyday it seemed that my expectations were changing.  The fact was, the only expectation I realized was that everything would most likely change.  I felt unbalanced and dizzy.  My mind bounced from one thought to a the next. Reality of the moment dictated the hopes or despair of the next.

That’s when in the chaos, He reminded me that there were expectations I could lean on.  That there were promises I could put my trust in.  There were expectations that wouldn’t change or fail me.  He reminded me of words that were hidden in my heart, ” fear not for I am with you.”  The expectation of not facing this thing alone.  ” My grace is sufficient for you.”  The expectation that no matter what you can get through this.   ” If anyone lacks wisdom let him ask.”   The expectation that I would know what to do.

I began to rest in the Words that brought peace and rest to my soul and then to my mind and finally to my body.  I went home and slept in my own bed.  I observed certain patterns in his behavior,  pain patterns when things were better and when they were worse.  I listened and digested the words of the doctors and realized that maybe if we treated one thing differently there might be a different outcome.  In my heart I knew that I had the answer.

The nurse listened.  (That was the first miracle. )  The doctor with his coat on happened to walk by.  The nurse stopped him and advocated on behalf of her patient.  The doctor made a u turn and did some research.  Go ahead with the treatment he advised.

I arrived the next morning.  He was sitting up eating his breakfast.  He hadn’t eaten breakfast sitting up for several days.  He was unaware that I was there and whispered, ” I prayed in Jesus name and the Holy Spirit just came over me.”

He was helped back to bed. He lay still, quiet.  He began to yawn.  He traveled in his mind from Europe to the China shop but most importantly he said when I asked him where he was ” I am in the healing chamber”.  And he was.  The doctor was concerned and sent him for at CT Scan but everything was fine.

As the days progressed so did Dan. He left the hospital 12 days after his surgery.  Weak but recovering.  He was so thankful as he began to wake up from the slumber and delirium.

Through it all I learned the only thing I can truly expect is that God will never leave me or forsake me.  That His love for me and my husband is complete and everlasting.  That I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  And indeed, His grace is sufficient.