If I am guilty of anything, it’s of having an apathetic attitude, distant and uncaring.  Sounds cold, doesn’t it.  Doesn’t sound like the person you know, or that I know either.  But it’s me, I am guilty.  Pastor preached about it awhile ago.  And after a summer long “church funk”, I had to admit, there is a strong spirit of apathy in me.  Apathy, that feeling, or lack there of, of connecting, and caring to connect.

I see it all around me, and maybe it’s rubbed off.  I am not apathetic towards everything. I am compassionate to my residents at work, kind for the most part towards most, but I am apathetic towards the church.

For many years, I have stated I am neither a democratic or a republican rather, I belong to the Cynical party. We pride ourselves in sarcasm and complaining. We shake our heads instead of bending our knees. We think we know it all and we are out of tune with even the basic needs of those around us.

But today is a new day, a day when it’s harder and harder to draw the line between politics and religion. Separation of Church and State has made it impossible to sit on the fence. Or, soon to be impossible. It isn’t comfortable sitting on the fence anyways. It’s hard to balance on that post. And God knows, I’m not the only one sitting on the fence.

I told my son tonight, things aren’t the way they were years ago, and they aren’t going to stay the same as they are today. We need to focus first on being right with Jesus.  We need to make sure we are in His Word and hiding it in our hearts. Sharing His love with… everybody.

And so, I have taken some time to write my prayer of repentance. Repentance for having a self-imposed disconnect with God’s people, and my purpose in the Church. Repentance for allowing myself to stop crying. To stop feeling because the weight of the world is so crushing sometimes it threatens to overcome.

So, yesterday, I’m reading my online Bible App https://www.youversion.com/ and the verse for today was Psalm 16:11 “You will make known to me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; In your right hand are pleasures forever” (NASB) and I realized that in this crazy world I am living in I can have clarity, direction and joy all at the same time.

This is my prayer of repentance, there is one for everyone. There are others who can relate to my apathy. There are others who know the name for their issue. But there is One who can change the heart and make it new. He gives hope and help to all who ask. And He has loved us with an everlasting love.

Change starts with me.

My prayer:

Lord:

There are so many “what if’s”. I am afraid.

Forgive me for my apathy.

Apathy towards this wonderful life you’ve given me. This beautiful body I have neglected and misused.

Apathy towards your Word, I have avoided, or ignored, taken for granted.

Apathy towards your Church which I have pointed my finger at and resisted. Nearly forsaking the meeting together because of my apathy. Because of my lack of ownership in the Body, my refusal to believe that I have a role in it, a responsibility to fulfill, a purpose in it.

Lord: Make known to me the path of life; fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal (lasting) pleasures favor me. (Psalm 16:11)

This world seems upside down. The obvious obscured, there is no rhyme nor reason, fiction has become reality. Only in You will I find clarity, hope and peace. The future scares me. But all I have is THIS moment. Right NOW. Help me not to waste another one.

In Jesus I pray,

Amen