Awhile back I bought a book by Joyce Meyer entitled You Can Begin  Again. http://www.joycemeyer.org/promo/beginagain/index.aspx

I haven’t read it yet.  Only the title as I have moved it from the car to the car trunk to the coffee table, from under the stack of stuff that covered it on the coffee table, to the laundry basket where it still sits.  It is calling out to me.  Hey, Kathy, this is for you..  yes you….You can begin again too. I haven’t even cracked the cover.  I haven’t read one page, not even the back of the book.  Just the title is enough.

My problem lies with the “again” part.  It’s not hard to just begin something random.  Something I enjoy doing.  I have no problem beginning that candy bar, or chocolate rice crispy treat, or the stale cracker jacks eyeing me from the bar in the family room.  That is not hard at all. I can begin again on those things over and over without thought or care in the world.

I bought my son a doughnut but really I bought myself a doughnut.  I gave him the doughnut and took one myself.  He did not eat his and when I began to eat mine he suggested in his kind and sweet way, because he can really be kind and sweet, he said we should take the dog for a walk because she needs to lose some weight.  He did not say I needed to walk because I need to lose some weight.  He suggested it would be fun to work out.  I teased him saying, “really, you think I should work out”  while flaunting the chocolate covered chocolate doughnut at him.  I said I should take his suggestion more personally, more seriously.  He said, “Mom you should take yourself more seriously.”  Just the way he said it.  Mom make this personal.  You’re missing the mark. I care about you.  How can I help you? were the words he didn’t say but implied.

And like the awesome mom I am, I blew him off, put him off and laughed him off.  I finished my doughnut.  His remains 3 days later still in the bag.  His words ring in my heart and my head.  And I see the title in my head from the book I haven’t read yet “You can begin again.”  And I know, I know I need to begin again.

I had a good talk with a good friend earlier tonight.  She is going through her  stuff and I am going through my stuff.  And I have always prided myself as not having much stuff to go through.

But I’m trying to be less judgmental and more honest because I can’t help my friend if I’m not willing to help myself.

I can’t tolerate  an “I’m okay” when my whole world is falling apart answer from her if I am willing to give the same answer and expect her to tolerate it from me.  So, when she asked me how I was doing…I was honest.

I shared with her how I was doing in regards to taking care of myself and she rose to the occasion.  Our struggles while different have a thread of sameness in them.  They isolate us.  They consume us.  They control us.  They fight to own us.

But when we share them we rise above them and we don’t say  “Oh, stop it ” Or “You can’t do that.”  We say stuff like “how can I help you.” We say stuff like,” You don’t disappoint me”.  And we think up ways to hold each other accountable.

I am tired of beginning again.  But it’s time to begin again.  Begin to take care of myself better.  Baby steps.  I have a goal in mind for this week.  My friend helped me figure out one thing to work on.  We’re going to check in with each other.

So here’s to the word. Again.

Thank God for the word Again.

For second chances and infinite chances to begin again.

Galatians 6:9 (NIV) ” Let us not become weary in doing good….”https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galatians%206:9