This morning I took Midnight for a walk.  The bright sun and cloudless blue sky enticed me out of my normal morning slump and we took a walk.  After several days of dark, dreary Autumn days this was a true gift.  It was still chilly enough for a sweatshirt and hood but by the time I returned to my car, the hood was off and I was warmed up.

Midnight, my lab-beagle mix, enjoyed herself too.  She was distracted by new smells and sounds but we kept up a steady pace just walking along the paved pathway.  We walked around a lake, reserved only for wildlife and occasionally a motor less boat will be seen floating by.  But not this morning, just the dog, some geese and a few other early morning walkers were out and about.

This walk lasted less than 1 hour, I didn’t walk fast by any means.  I enjoyed the moment, the scenery, the cool crisp November air.  When I came home I felt good, energized and happy.  It’s been awhile since I have taken a walk.  It’s almost as good as a candy bar.  I think maybe I will do it again…maybe even tomorrow.

It’s been a new week, since I started caring again.  One whole week.  I did pretty good.  But i feel that slippery edge coming again.  Where I slide down the slope of denial and complacency and I find myself asking

Where did i put that list again?
You know the one with me on it.  Not me in a selfish way.  Me in the way of, if I don’t take care of me, how can I take care of you? or you? or you?

That list.  The things I have to take care of list.  Where is it?  

So remind me again why I am doing this.  Why I am counting my “points” and watching what I eat.  Why I am walking faster intentionally down the hallways at work. Why did I walk the dog yesterday, even if only for 10 minutes. Why have I spent the money and gone to the meetings and scanned the bar codes to see how it all adds up at the end of the day?

Remind me again why I am doing this.

Because taking care of me isn’t easy… I’m finding that out.  I require rest and healthy food and exercise to feel good and to be productive.

Diabetes is a demanding master and if I don’t rise above it; it will rule me.  It will seek me out and take me down one yummy cookie at a time. The sugar and the lazy mind are it’s favorite things to use to keep me in line.  Eat this and rest a little.  And in time you will be mine and it will be to late to accomplish those things on that list of dreams you have.  That’s how Diabetes acts.  It doesn’t care about me.  It is a monster and wants me to go back to sleep.

Now I remember why it is I care.

Because God has given me so much to do, to share, to dream.  I’m not in the middle of life, I’m at the beginning of living and that is nothing to sleep or sugarcoat through.  God wants me to live this life the best that I can and to enjoy it and Him to the best of my ability, with all my strength, my heart and my soul.

This is not about a diet, or a program or a plan. This is about being. Being here in the moment. Being renewed and energized and full of strength and energy and love to share with others.

Remind me again why I care?  Because it does matter.  Because I matter.  Because He loves me and I matter to Him.