Tag Archive | hope

Begin Again….again.

Oct12

Awhile back I bought a book by Joyce Meyer entitled You Can Begin  Again. http://www.joycemeyer.org/promo/beginagain/index.aspx

I haven’t read it yet.  Only the title as I have moved it from the car to the car trunk to the coffee table, from under the stack of stuff that covered it on the coffee table, to the laundry basket where it still sits.  It is calling out to me.  Hey, Kathy, this is for you..  yes you….You can begin again too. I haven’t even cracked the cover.  I haven’t read one page, not even the back of the book.  Just the title is enough.

My problem lies with the “again” part.  It’s not hard to just begin something random.  Something I enjoy doing.  I have no problem beginning that candy bar, or chocolate rice crispy treat, or the stale cracker jacks eyeing me from the bar in the family room.  That is not hard at all. I can begin again on those things over and over without thought or care in the world.

I bought my son a doughnut but really I bought myself a doughnut.  I gave him the doughnut and took one myself.  He did not eat his and when I began to eat mine he suggested in his kind and sweet way, because he can really be kind and sweet, he said we should take the dog for a walk because she needs to lose some weight.  He did not say I needed to walk because I need to lose some weight.  He suggested it would be fun to work out.  I teased him saying, “really, you think I should work out”  while flaunting the chocolate covered chocolate doughnut at him.  I said I should take his suggestion more personally, more seriously.  He said, “Mom you should take yourself more seriously.”  Just the way he said it.  Mom make this personal.  You’re missing the mark. I care about you.  How can I help you? were the words he didn’t say but implied.

And like the awesome mom I am, I blew him off, put him off and laughed him off.  I finished my doughnut.  His remains 3 days later still in the bag.  His words ring in my heart and my head.  And I see the title in my head from the book I haven’t read yet “You can begin again.”  And I know, I know I need to begin again.

I had a good talk with a good friend earlier tonight.  She is going through her  stuff and I am going through my stuff.  And I have always prided myself as not having much stuff to go through.

But I’m trying to be less judgmental and more honest because I can’t help my friend if I’m not willing to help myself.

I can’t tolerate  an “I’m okay” when my whole world is falling apart answer from her if I am willing to give the same answer and expect her to tolerate it from me.  So, when she asked me how I was doing…I was honest.

I shared with her how I was doing in regards to taking care of myself and she rose to the occasion.  Our struggles while different have a thread of sameness in them.  They isolate us.  They consume us.  They control us.  They fight to own us.

But when we share them we rise above them and we don’t say  “Oh, stop it ” Or “You can’t do that.”  We say stuff like “how can I help you.” We say stuff like,” You don’t disappoint me”.  And we think up ways to hold each other accountable.

I am tired of beginning again.  But it’s time to begin again.  Begin to take care of myself better.  Baby steps.  I have a goal in mind for this week.  My friend helped me figure out one thing to work on.  We’re going to check in with each other.

So here’s to the word. Again.

Thank God for the word Again.

For second chances and infinite chances to begin again.

Galatians 6:9 (NIV) ” Let us not become weary in doing good….”https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galatians%206:9

Seasons of the Soul

Mar17

I’m sitting here listening to the hum of Dan’s computer.  It’s late.  I am relaxed.  My eyes are heavy with anticipated sleep.  It has been a good day.  The sky decided to show  it’s blue canopy. It shared it with a few passing clouds the big white fluffy kind and together they cheered on the sun to shine its brightest.  The sky and the clouds along with the slowly melting snow all seem to know how long the winter has been.  The temperature and wind still held on though. They are reluctant to let winter go.  But they will it’s quite certain that they too will be swayed to join in the chorus of the long awaited Spring. Outside my window I saw little green leafs popping up from the ground and on the ends of the branches of the trees fuzzy little buds have made their appearance.  

Without the winter, i am afraid I would not appreciate these little signs of Spring.  Without the snow and cold and short days i wouldn’t notice it when the sun stayed in the sky two extra minutes before slipping into the darkness.  I wouldn’t celebrate the high of “40” degrees by wearing a sweatshirt instead of my winter coat.  I wouldn’t praise the warm temperature of double digits if I hadn’t felt the bitter cold negative temperatures that hurt my chest when I breathed deep and made my jeans cold just opening the door.  

Thankful for the seasons that can so symbolize the seasons of life.  What season do I thrive in? What season do I desire to live in? What season represents my heart right now?  What season do I long for?  What season do I tire of?  Where are the signs that indicate change is on its way?  Are their glimpses of new life coming out of my words and actions? Are the signs of cold and bitter feelings towards other fading away surrendering to the warmth of the Son light in my own heart?  Is there a new warmth that radiates out of places that were once cold and dark?  Does the light of His love shine longer each day?  

No season lasts forever.  All seasons have their own unique purpose.  Spring represents new life, new start, new hope, resurrection. Grace, peace, and the freedom to move forward.  Summer reminds us of growth, maturity, leafs that provide shade are symbols of encouragement. We like leafs of a tree should provide shade to those suffering from the heat of the day.  The longer days, the hotter sun, represent extra time, extra passion to share His word, His love, to those who have lost their way or have not yet found It.  Fall reminds us that nothing lasts forever.  We have to let go. We have to move on. Harvest time.  We reap what we sow.  The birds and the animals prepare for the hard days ahead and so should we.  We know that the days will grow cold.  The nights grow long.  The winter will show up again.  Winter that provides rest for the soul of nature.  Winter that brings with the promise of Spring and newness of life.  Winter that fulfills its obligation to prepare us for the comfort and blessing of spring.  

So what season are you in?  God is in it with you.  He is the constant in all the changes we go through.  The season of our soul is where God works out our salvation.  Embrace each one, long for each one and be thankful for we are never alone.  

Kathryn White

03/17/2014

 

 

 

Bloom Where You are Planted?!!! Really, Lord?

Feb14

Okay, Lord.  You have my attention again.  I thought I had a pretty good plan.  I thought I had the right idea, the green light to move ahead, the thumbs up to proceed. Imagine the surprise I felt when the door slammed shut right in my face.  No knob to turn, no key to try just a locked door staring me in the face.  My first response was that of pure emotion.  Pure let’s fix this.  Pure I don’t like slamming doors and I want to find another way to what’s on the other side of that door.  

Wise advice….think it through.  Don’t make any rash decisions.  Just think about it.  

The debate in my head is louder than the slamming door.  Do I accept the closed door as God’s way of saying “nope…not right now, Kathy.This isn’t what I want for you.” Or do I pray for boldness and despite what seems to be a “closed door” look for and fight for a new opening.  Do I choose passivity or assertiveness?  Which one is it?  

And then the thought….maybe you should just “bloom where you are planted.”  I first hear the phrase a few days ago.  I was listening to someone speaking he said, and when things don’t go your way…accept it as part of God’s big picture in your life and bloom where you are planted.  

Really….just bloom…is that really what this is all about.  Blooming doesn’t happen overnight Lord.  It means putting down roots, it means nurturing the plant, it means giving time to a situation I am not satisfied in.  I don’t want to bloom.  I want to take my roots and plant them somewhere else.  I want to bloom in some other soil.  I want to blossom in a different pot of dirt.  But there is no other pot and there is no other soil.  

And so I sigh.  A big sigh. A soul sigh.  A tired of this sigh.  And yet I know that right now the thing that I must do is put off restlessness, put off discontent, put off striving and desiring the other side of the fence.  Instead He is asking me to be content.  Be happy with the soil He has provided.  Be pleased with the pot He has tenderly  planted me in.  Be open to the nurturing and pruning He administers to me and to quietly bloom.  

What will I be when I bloom?  What will the fruit look like?  What will the outcome be?  

He answers me before I ask the question:  Galatians 5:22 – 23  (NIV) “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

What will I look like when I bloom?  Hopefully a lot less like me and a lot more like Jesus.  

6 who, though he was God, did not demand and cling to his rights as God, 7 but laid aside his mighty power and glory, taking the disguise of a slave and becoming like men. And he humbled himself even further, going so far as actually to die a criminal’s death on a cross. (Phil. 2:6-8 Living Bible) 

Which leaves me with the final challenge to (Phil. 2 : 14 – 16 NIV) “ Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.”   

Thank you Lord, that at the end of the day, or the end of the disappointment, or the end of the failed attempt, or when the door slams or doesn’t open You remain faithfully in control of the door.  I will choose again to trust You and by your grace choose to be thankful for the soil and the pot you’ve provided and by your grace bloom where You have planted me.  

 

 

 

Declaration

Feb7

God’s blessings for me are incredible.

His faithfulness will not fail me.

His mercies are new every morning.

He has started a good work in me and will complete it.

Every day His grace is sufficient. 

I am full of power, strength and determination.

I will overcome challenges, difficulties and obstacles by 

Trusting in Him.

Hard times will result in growth. 

It’s never too late to fulfill a dream.

Gratitude and praise will replace 

Worry, doubt and discontentment.

I will choose to look for 

the good and not for the bad.

I will remain hopeful and positive

And pass it on to those around me.

I will be known for my kinds words and actions. 

Kathryn E White

07/10/2013

Death…I don’t like it.

Dec29

The Bible talks about death as a curse. It’s a bad thing.  It’s not pleasant.  It is as natural as life.  It’s expected.  We will all experience it personally someday.  For some of us, we have already had a taste of it.  I was sitting at my desk when my boss got the call that her father had unexpectedly passed away.  I was there just hours before my brother took his last breath after a short 6 months fight with terminal brain cancer.  Grandma’s body loss the fight.  

We see death in large numbers.  Massive loss of life from a storm that sails through a small town and leaves death and destruction behind. Life taken from behind a steering wheel.  A young man scoring the final winning basket for his high-school basket ball team falls to the floor and he breathes no more.   

Death is the final stop.  It’s the final breath. It’s the final word said. It’s the final thought. It’s the final act. It’s the last step. It’s the last embrace.  It’s the last sigh. It’s the last cry.  There is no more when death is through. It’s done.  Life, breathing, living it’s done here as we know it.  

As a Christian I have hope.  Hope in life eternal through Jesus.  Hope everlasting.  I will go be with my Lord and Savior.  I will be reunited with those that have gone on before me.  That is the happy ending.  But I’m not writing about Heaven tonight.  I’m not writing about that reunion.  

This is about death.  It’s about how cancer and sickness and age or accident or storms or tragedies or crime steals away breath and life. It leaves those behind feeling lost, empty, pressed down, can’t catch my breath this is going to smother me feeling.  It’s not pleasant.  It certainly isn’t easy.  

The Bible says it’s a curse.  It’s the wages of sin.  And it is.  It’s tough.  There are families right now that have felt it’s weight. There are people right now going through this part of life’s journey.  It’s so hard to say good bye.  It’s so hard to let go.  And for those left behind that’s exactly what we do.  We keep on breathing, living, talking, walking, praying, crying day after day and the days get further apart from when life stopped and life kept going on.  And sometimes it’s hard to reconcile that part. 

I remember distinctly realizing that the only memories I had of my brother and myself were old ones. We wouldn’t have new ones together.  I remember feeling awkward at going back to work, or out to dinner, or grocery shopping.  It was as life was going on even though his had abruptly stopped. 

I do not like death.  I do not like cancer or sickness or the countless other things that steal breath away from our vulnerable and fragile beings.  I do not want to gloss over it.  Dress it up with flowery language in the attempt to hide it’s ugliness and stench.  I read recently in Job that after he lost his children and crops and animals and everything that mattered his friends came to see him.  For seven days they sat and said NOTHING because they could see how terrible the grief was.  They were with him. They attended to him. And They sat with him and said nothing because when death knocks on the door and leaves taking life with it,  sometimes there are just no words to say.  

What is my hope then you ask?  How do I suffer such loss?  My hope is in Christ. He experienced something I have yet to go through. He has been on the journey of death. It took his last breath.  He knows what it’s like to be in that moment where life and death pass each other. That point where one life ends while the others keep going on.  

My hope is in Christ who keeps me.  He will keep me safe in my own journey.  He will give me grace when the day comes.  He will give me peace so as not to fear the unknown.  And as I watch and observe this thing come disguised in many forms steal again and again I will find strength in Him to breathe again.  To feel again.  To laugh again.   If nature teaches us one thing it’s that the morning does come after every dark night.  The sun does shine again after every storm.  And even death in nature is the very thing that brings life.